Keep yer distance!

So you, and your antics, I don't know what to do.. xD

ALRIGHT.

• YOU ARE GREAT.
• YOU ARE ADORABLE.
• YOU ARE ALSO ADORABLE.
• YOU ARE ________ [TBD]
• YOU ARE GOING AWAY.

I love Shelby and Sam!

I have no exciting news in my love life to write about vaguely. :)

XD

My mind begins to zoom in...

I wish that things were more easily accepted and people could just be happy for people.

Everybody caaaaaalmmmmm dowwwnnnnnn.

• I love you and us and don't like feeling responsible.
• Complete strangers drag me away from feeling okay again! Then there are the not-so-complete-strangers that make me question, too.
• We are togetha' fo'eva'.

Moo.

• I know it isn't really fair to say this because it could easily be the other way around but I feel frustrated with the hints of bitterness! Oh well, they are hints covered up by attempted support so it is alright.
• The confusion I feel on this situation is bothersome and I do not like it.
• Settling continues and I find that I'm adjusting to the idea of perhaps allowing my mind to calm down. Adjusting to the idea, not actually currently going through with it. xD I still enjoy giving my eyes some exercise.
• Confidence: 1 Fear of people: 0

Whyyyyyyy

are you not practically mine. XD

Oh my goodness.

Please don't try to convince me of my superiority to all others. That lady who is so very kind and lovely also happens to be included in that "others".

That is a problem, but it can be easily corrected I believe. XD

Alright.

You seem to be changing your mind.. How lovely! As tempting as the idea is to go on dates, I think I need to tell myself that I must completely put it off until later notice. This applies to all lovely people that could potentially change their minds. XD

Fa la la la la, la la la laaaaa.

I believe that I am finally beginning to settle a bit. The burning fear has dissipated and I now only fear that the few good opportunities I may have could be missed out on if I 'chose'. CHOOSING now only seems like a bad thing because, well, I do not wish to go through such things again -.- Not until after school at least, I think.

Disappointing, but still productive!

I enjoy your face.

I also love Shelby and Sam!

LET ME CHOOSE.

It was nice to hear that someone thought so. XD Regardless of the fact I will probably never venture that direction.

Completely random and unidentifiable people:

• You look so withdrawn, and nice.
• I enjoy your enthusiasm whenever we speak and greet one another
• Your smile and eyes are so jolly!
• Thanks for being kind and recognizing me.
• You should stop slouching so your puppy dog face is more notable xD

• I do not wish for it to be you but I sense that it is... It is starting to seem like you.
• Still feeling unable to go through with anything. I believe I'll just coast through the year with this mindset and let myself be worry-free in that aspect.
• It is weird that I have changed so much from how I used to be with you. Well, not so much, but now I am the closed-off one.
• How can I still feel so eager to have space? My brain is so confusing. xD

• I do like you, I just have mixed feelings about your consideration for others' feelings.
• Child, why doth thou have someone?!
• For some reason, despite not wanting it myself, I don't want you to.. 'win'.
• It was nice to speak with you today even if you resorted to targeting my sensitive spots after awhile. xD
• TRA LA LA.

Do you think it would be possible... To one time not make it clear what you know, but to instead just greet someone happily? Or offer a compliment selflessly?

It would be nice. :P

I'm glad that you are proud of my new people meeting.

I am pleased with it as well. I have not been so open to making so many new friends in a long time. It is exciting and I no longer feel sadness about what happened. There is only the awkward eye contact that leaves me feeling as though I should say something but not feeling it is right to do so at the same time.

Option-weighing...

One always weighs in bettar, silly mental state.

Gah.

It is so irksome being torn between two things when one seems so obviously better than the other!

Huh.

That was a really enjoyable dream. A bit weird, but enjoyable.

ON ANOTHER NOTE -

... What are you doing? You're being different. :P

It feels more real now.

On another note, I am feeling content.

Difficulty is strengthening, mon.

It is funny you would say that.

Whenever I finally decide to vent about something it becomes irrational to nearly everyone xD. I completely understand that difficulties exist beyond my control, and that what I do doesn't go un-noticed, but it just.. Nothing! I do not ever know what I am trying to justify in the end. SIGH. Irony.

The comment I made was not directed at just one or two people. I feel like I want to go off by myself or something. I don't know. I'm in a weird mood. :P

I do, of course, feel for the way I act, but for some reason that particular swing really got me going.

Ohmagosh.

Such inconsistencies are frustrating. Perhaps the bounce-back comes when it is realized that what happened wasn't.. Just.

So, it would seem you have started talking to me a lot. Is there a reason for this? If you're going to continue you had better be nice. I'm not going to give you much slack for things that aren't tolerable to me anymore.

I suddenly feel okay! Excellent.

It's come to my attention that people don't tend to hold conversations with strangers for very long, so I will have to fix this in order to satisfy my appetite for making a new friend. I'll get one of those shirts from work and use to to make ironic conversation.

I don't think I'll be ready for awhile.

Time to get out of this slump!

Breathhhheee.

What isn't right?

Something is missing? I'm not sure.

I feel...

Somehow disconnected.

I love you all, though.


[Mobile]

• Silly school applications, you scare me!
• I am ready to go away for a little bit. Too many messages makes my wrists and brain sore.
• My math grade will go up.
• I'm not sure exactly what it is I want.. Perhaps I simply enjoy observing and not taking any sort of action?
• So very pleased that the parentals are home!

I hope you're happy that I respect your wishes. -_-

I don't foresee this turning out well for everyone. I miss you and it's bothersome hearing about you.


[Mobile]

Off early again.

My thought is not overwhelmed besides the fact that going back there has destroyed most of your good mood D:

Purple!

Why is this being so confusing?!

All over now.

This week feels as though it will be a bit empty. Why?

OH WELL. At least I get to work one more time...

Bad moods bring out thoughts that make me sad, and I wish it didn't happen...

I'm fine like this, I am in fact good like this, but I do not like thinking too much about it.

A reminder I must etch into my brain is that I should not cry because it's over, but smile because it happened.

- There, that's better.

This calls for a toast, so pour the champagne, pour the champaaaaagne.

A wee bit o' pressure.

.. Where are you?!

As often as I think: Hm, it would be nice to have a new beginning

I still am not sure.

Speaking of beginnings, why does post-secondary have to exist? I want to live on campus but the thought is too depressing. I could cry for a day without actually going away yet.

It all looks very unappealing.

I disagree with the preaching about religious reasons for being against homosexuality and such, and I also would not want to be a religious individual if given the choice at this point. However I do not believe in saying that being religious is wrong just because some levels and aspects of it are illogical to me. I can't pick a side on this subject!

Ahh, I loved when the Olympics were here so much!.

So dull until.

Such a simple incentive to go!

It drives me insane the way you are with him.

I wonder if there will be a moment where I realize: Oh, I feel ready again!

I do not enjoy going to sleep on a sour note.


[Mobile]

I'm not sure how to respond when you act so in favour.

You are an excellent person and friend. =D

I find your lack of consideration for how people might feel a lot of the time very frustrating.

Indeed, sometimes you do seem like you care. Oftentimes, however, in my eyes you appear to see things only through your eyes.

Weird. I thought it meant you had changed your mind. I guess you just felt happier at the possibility after so long.


[Mobile]

You are being strangely... Good.

Don't know how I feel about it!

I won't hold my breath for that offer anymore.

Also, please, please, please, don't be so rude just because you don't like something. I accept that people have opinions and deserve to express them, but sometimes one must be sympathetic to the feelings of people they care about.

Countdown until schedule breathing room: 42

I am excited for your birthday, WOOOO!

I love my friendiddlies.

My friendships with my very close friends are all very different from one another in the things we do and say with each other. One is not any less of a friend to me just because one does not take part in some of these particular activities and conversations.

>.>


[Mobile]

Right-o.

I am going to cleanse myself of unnecessary frustrations and complaints if at all possible. Certain things should stop seeming annoying after a certain amount of time.

On another note, I suppose it is good that I stopped myself from indulging in that curiosity. It would be causing problems at the moment. Still, I find it unfortunate to witness as a possibility. Luckily all is good in the hood with us, though!

Personally I believe that you are pleased with her new freedom.

Perhaps your lack of return-conversation is due in part to your inability to describe yourself. Maybe knowing yourself better would bring that capability back.

Ai ai ai.

Sometimes I wonder what gets you pumped.

Sorry to be the bearer of unpleasant news.

Old reminders make me realize why I tend to always slide back a little.

I do love you, don't worry about that.

I'm so back and forth with all of my thoughts. Oh well. Too un-awake to contemplate or elaborate.

Our relationship is so surreal sometimes. xD

I guess it's not okay when I slip into one bad mood.

Scratch that last one.

- On another note, youuu are so difficult to communicate with. Seeing you in person is far more stress-free.

- And you are rumored to act off, perhaps envious, when she discusses other people? Huh.

- You should really take that necklace off if you haven't already! Keep it if you wish, but wearing it must be like hanging on.

Are you really just going to start offering what could have been hope now? Sigh. :P

I feel content in knowing I no longer feel utterly lost if some fellow does not share mutual interest. Probably considering I lack motivation to commit at the moment.


[Mobile]

That was an experience. Definitely will make me more cautious, perhaps increase my sense of fear as well.

I want to be your friend eventually but I do not want to feel threatened by your feelings. Currently, situations remain tense and/or awkward due to the fact that you have left me feeling uncomfortable with your feelings about the situation. Having your heart hurt because of me makes being with you (just in company) difficult to bear.

I like my friends.

I want to be with someone, but at the same time I don't more than I do. I would rather just date and maintain my freedom. This year should be an exciting one.

Okay, first day was successful by means of not having to deal with any discomfort. Let us see what real classroom time brings us, shall we? I am excited for this year. I am excited for new people and opportunities! I am excited to finish my Grad Transitions Plan and not have to worry about any of it anymore. I am excited to keep earning money. I am excited to run the Yearbook room (hopefully) and to be the Public Relations Director. I am excited to make my friendships even better and to rock this entire year.

And now a hummingbird on the first day of school? After I did not see one at my house all summer? IS THIS A SIGN OF SOME SORT?

I don't like Nicola's last post.

I am looking forward to tomorrow. I'm starting to feel a bit more ready for this year, even if it is surreal.

I'm worried about you.

Please try to figure this out so that you don't push the people away who you really should be keeping close. We can't be friends until you let up.

... Please, accept what is.

It is flattering to a point that someone could care that much about me. However, you have convinced yourself that you made the absolute biggest mistake of your life and in doing so, you let go of your ONLY true love. I am not the only girl out there that is worth being with! Sure, I am the only person that you let in, really. I made you a 'better person' by bringing you out of your shell. Then with this new freedom to be social you let in a handful of other girls and no guys. XD Annoying semester that was. Now that you made a decision based on what you felt I wanted and provoked by your parents. You let them tell you what to do, it's not my fault. I would have done it myself sooner or later. PLEASE, just accept that you haven't ruined your chances for happiness and move on from this situation. Perhaps there will always be a piece of you that loves me, but it will be a tiny one if you can healthily move. on. It hurts me that you hurt, and you were my first real love, but I'm happy now. Without you. I'm not holding your hand anymore, lean on your friends and talk about something other than me so that you don't feel like it absorbs your mind. Don't make this last year a difficult one for me, or yourself, I already have a lot on my plate.

I feel as though the dream about the hummingbirds was significant. It felt so important. Why?

Ahhh

I find it so difficult to find a way to express disappointment and acceptance to someone who has disappointed me. I just try not to.


[Mobile]

Silly boys.

I have not had a Shelby-Sam visit in some time.

• I have been approved, thus this will not work in your favour.
• Actually, happiness is important, I just feel that it should not be jumped upon.
• Wow, it happened.. I finally became absolutely fed up and no longer feel patience with you.
• I'm very much hoping that school will be smooth. I don't know what your classes are...

Things I now enjoy that I didn't know about before from Starbucks:

Soy Chai Tea Frappuccino, Green Tea Frappuccino, Passion Iced Tea Lemonade, Apple Spice something or other like that.

The first one is lovely.

Yeah, they do. XD

TRA LA LA.

I enjoy thinking that tonight shall be another fun one!

Sam, I miss you... D:

Thank-you for telling me. I'm glad you have someone you can talk to now. :)

• I keep wondering if this is going to be problematic in everyone having fun together.
• Huzzah for a non-date movie outing, felt good, especially since I did not see problem child there.
• This year is going to be a good one. It feels like it. If it is not, I will be severely disappointed.
• Oh, and this year, I will be single at the beginning of school for the first time in two years. :O I don't think everyone is even aware yet that we broke up. xD
• I found the poetry anthology you wrote me and it made me sad, I miss being your friend at that time.

Mmm.. -.-

Predicting that this will dilute soon.

Something about this frustrates me, oh well!

I feel very, very frustrated for no particular reason. I have a mounting need to go and do something with a particular person, though I don't know who that is.

First time dancing in a long time; I'm not good at it but it is funnnn.

Oh my goodness.

I suppose as long as you have your streaks of excellence it's fine for you when the rain comes...

So the waiting game begins.

This is a public service announcement - this is only a test!

Today felt very productive and accomplished! I muuuuust do that more often to build my strength back. Before summer ends I want to do that at least 2 more times, 4 would be preferred.

You can feel free to mosey on down and see me regardless of bike riding, though. I'm not eager to jump into anything but you are new and interesting.

Now I have made a more clear image of you. You, too. But the other you, I do not fear any frustrating ties being made by myself.

You and you and you! You are all the bomb. And you too, even though I rarely see you. :D

Don't let me stop you from living.


[Mobile]

Yo, Sam!

You da bomb!

I no longer wish to communicate with such hintyness. Stop trying to suck love out of me. We really, are just new friends. I don't really consider you a best friend...


[Mobile]

I don't want you to come anymore.

-.-

And still

I wait. I guess it doesn't really matter, but adding one more to the huge one already? Kind of annoying. I suppose this will just be one thing that'll be looked over because that's how things go.

• It's cold.
• That's frustrating.
• Sigh, I hope this isn't a tense three days.
• I don't know if I'm excited anymore.
• What a downer I am!

- You can only pull that off for so long.
- Yahoo bowling!
- I want a bunny or a rat. :)
- Are you waiting for me to talk too? Or just not concerned? XD
- WOO. YOU HOME TODAY.



[Mobile]

Certain things can be looked over. Others require a bit more... Building, to fix.


[Mobile]

Mhm.

I'm so happy you've chosen to be truthful.

Too much food.

Stick between respecting privacy and wanting to chat with someone.


[Mobile]

Dear Katie,

At this rate, you will be frequently disappointed in people.

That was terrible. I wish you weren't still this upset.

I decided to take part as well. :)

1-st question. Priorities in your life:

1: FAMILY
2: CAREER
3: PRIDE
4: LOVE
5: MONEY


2-nd question:

Loyal implies your own personality.
Independent implies personality of your partner.
Curious implies the personality of your enemies
Unpleasant- It is how you interpret sex. (HA HA)
Amazing implies your own life.


3-rd question:

Shelby - Someone you will never forget.
Mitchel - Someone you consider your true friend.
Sam - Someone that you really love.
Nicole - Your twin soul.
Alex - Someone that you will remember for the rest of your life.

The last section kind of threw me off, not sure why. xD

Um.

• What is your angle, child?
• I am excited for our outing.
• Did I imply something with what I barely had a chance to say to you?
• I vant some good photo-taking opportunities.

HOLY POO.

I understand....

It is not a crime for me to feel how I feel. It would not feel as bad if the situation was different on the latter half of this.

I don't want the real world. I like this one.

Okay, continue if you will.

Fa la la la la, I am too scared to commit myself so I shall continue to frolic in the freedom that I have! *Dances away*

Pictures will be the demise of any solid decisions you have come to, I take many of them and see many of them and know the feeling too well... My empathy is very strong.

Don't feel that you are alone; and even if you are, I am not far.

Right-o, then.

• I suppose I am feeling a bit better in that regard, but it still happened too easily.
• THAT MOVIE WAS FANTASTIC. I don't know how a good movie is determined, but I feel that that one is fo' sho a very, very excellent one.
• I'm not really certain how I feel about any particular person in that sense anymore. It's a relieving thing but also leaves a lot of room to fluctuate away from neutral.

TO ALL OF THE YOU'S:

1. I try to list your good qualities and I always come up short. What makes me stick around?

2. You are great and I care about you very much. xD I hope we have lots of time for each other after you come home!

3. What we have is good, I don't foresee it fizzling.

4. I wonder if we're actually going to visit much once you're done with your set-up schedule. Should I be afraid of what you'll be around me?

5. My efforts to ignore what I dislike sometimes fail to exist, but I still care about you, sometimes I simply... Wish.

6. The possibility of me and you (although aforementioned person disagrees XD) seems very odd!

You can imagine that?

I find it hard to do so but if you think so, okay. XD

Alright, you. She noticed the dramatic difference in how you treat us as well. Oh well. I'll just chillax. I don't need to do anything. As I've realized, I don't feel any particular urge to be with anyone. It's naice.

The key would seem to be if things are not up to par, just throw it out the window.

• No, I don't think that. I just can't do anything to fix it without forcing myself to.
• La la la la come home sooner so we can visit!
• Nope, no we are not dating. I hope you asked that out of curiosity and not as his spy, thanks. Being with a friend a lot when I am single doesn't mean I am dating him.
• So you're gone for part of the week, EH? Wonder if you'll be missin' the Tizz while you're gone. Perhaps you'll come back not caring as much. xD
• Time passes way more slowly for you than it does for me, and her. I can't help it.
• I am sorry that I come across that way frequently, I've put out warnings that I do that.

• I hope this doesn't continue.
• Having the weight of caring about that stuff too much lifted off of my mind is fantastic. Thank-you, Harry Potter books.
• Today was a pretty good day! Despite lack of attendance at the car wash.
• Don't read into me, much.

Woooo hoooooooooooo.

• 'Twas a good few days and it was fun times.
• I MISS YOU!
• Mahh I wonder what shall happen
• It is very frustrating, seeing pictures and remembering what was. I know that we worked and it's difficult to move forward when so little time has passed. I'm sorry that I cannot take part in more with you but you aren't helping yourself by encouraging conversation...
• I must find things to occupy my brain, that don't necessarily involve you!

So..

How's that part of your life going that you don't talk about?


[Mobile]

You know it's bad when you accidentally start blogging in your sleep... XD

Personally, I like the blog Shelby most recently posted.

Is it bad that I just considered plugging myself in to charge my battery instead of my phone? Probably..

Blerp!

• READY FOR SOME BIRTHDAY FUN ON WEDNESDAY? YES YOU ARE! Sleepover hopefully?... And beach, WOO.
• I had a good day, thanks for being genuinely good people and making such minimal activity not stressful and also fun.
• Birthday partay thoughts are still enjoyable. ^.^ The gifts were dandy and so were all of the people that celebrated with me!
• Regarding the above, I was informed by two different people that you were acting as protector for me when he came a bit too close by the looks of things. If you were, thanks, and if you weren't, then it was a convenient coincidence.
• There are several quality aspects of your personality, but I just... Don't think I can feel that way about you. Maybe I sense that if I get too close you will end up clinging and being obsessive or something along those lines. You are great, though! A bit awkward...
• Are you okay? TALK TO ME, FRIEND! I accept whatever decision you make. It's nice to know that you probably now are able to understand eeeeverything that I felt and went through on some level. I know from experience now how you feel and I can be understanding :D. I LOVE YOU.

Bah!

• I wish I could have gone with you...!
• I'm glad that you and I are friends again!
• Is something wrong with either of you?
• Tomorrow should be fun =D
• HEY! FIVE DAYS!
• Bleh, I hope you get better :(

I am not sure how I'm feeling about anyone in that regard.

• Not sure if I could ever like you more than friend-style.
• Done with you because you're a wee bit shallow xD. I think.
• You confuse my perception of you all the time! Maybe I'm just clinging.
• I said good night to you without it feeling weird. Good stuff.
• Things could be fun but we will see how it goes when you are less blah.

Ughhhh. I don't want to feel bad right now.

Well,

I strongly, strongly like YOU!

Another excellent day.

Another sunburn (AH, I MUST USE MORE SUN PROTECTION.) but it was worth it for another good day!

Though Shelby was not able to stay for very long, I did receive my birthday gift and ah lurve it! I also had a very heartfelt good-bye with Shelby which made her short stay more worthwhile. xD

Bowling was DA BOMB. The group of people was diverse and well-balanced. This new freedom is being appreciated almost every single moment. I'm being told repeatedly how happy I seem... It feels truer now than before. I love laughing.

I am sorry, though. Maybe now you can start to gain 'closure'...

As for the regular train of thought, I think I'll just, let things settle there, chillax with people that I know are eager to spend time with me. :D

HA HA, good job. You guys had your flirt on. XD

I had a good birthday, thanks everyone :D.

Today and tomorrow WILL be LOTS of fun.

I LOVE YOU GUYS, TOO. :D

*Scratches one name off of very short list*

With no close friends out of you, I'm going to just try not to bother until I have more reason to. XD

Rahhh. Grade nine is being replicated before my eyes!


[Mobile]

Hey now, HEY NOWWW.

I chose to stay up that late, and I rocked sleeping on the floor, man.

ROCKED IT.

Don't feel bad. xD It was a good sleepover. I rarely stay up late to chat and ah lahked it =D

Nice that you appreciate my care but still refuse to show any yourself. No worries. All good.

I enjoyed sleeping over very much! :D


[Mobile]

I LIKE STUFF!

I like living here.

Sorry to make your day boring, but people are coming over and while I'm sure it would be fine if you did, this child is a problem and I don't want to have to entertain you while Josh is here. XD He is like a puppy when he comes over.

Two more days? Nooo way! I hope I pass. xD

Roar.

• Feeling a need to find a release for all of this weird energy.
• I know what I would like to do, mua ha ha.
• Road test is in TWO DAYS. Ahhh! I think I am ready, I just fear that the nerves will kick in when it comes time to actually begin the driving.
• The clouds have been very exciting to look at lately. :)
• You... You have suddenly sprung back from not seeing me and now have made it really, really clear that you want to. Ahem, calm yourself XD. You'll get your Katie fix. (Not you, Sam. :P)
• Tra la la la la.

Dang. I feel less optimistic.

I had a very good Canada Day though! It was really nice to see a couple of you. I missed you quite a bit. I'm glad that everyone enjoyed themselves. :)


[Mobile]

Alright. This will be a bump we're going to have to get over... Once it is possibly brought up. xD

SAMMMMM. I miss you... :P

People!

• YOU: Today was fun and slightly filled with lack of sanity.
• YOU: You're lucky you called me twice, I was hurt that you didn't come and say hi!
• YOU: I wonder what your plan of action is with bringing up such things.
• YOU: What's going on in your head? Your interests, I know, lay in other places mostly.
• YOU: Hope things are good.
• YOU: I'll admit, it was very weird that you didn't speak to me all day. XD

Such a simple act renders me surprised. xD

I think that you are actually trying to lead up to something...

For anyone who is concerned, I've never been on a simple date that does not result in a relationship. I think I would like to, one day, try out this crazy idea.

ALSO! I am super excited for Thursday! I am sad that Sam is working, though :(.

I enjoyed today. Work was super dull but also fun for that little while, and I ate in the lunch room with other staff members. xD Instead of by myself in the training room. I wonder what's going on with you... Bleh.

Tiredness has struck like a truck and I am not escaping it whatsoever. Hunger seems to come with this, or a similar feeling which clearly isn't hunger because I've eaten enough this afternoon. I really, really want a salad or something, though. Maybe I'll use all of my spare time tomorrow for some exercise? HA-HA. No, really, I might go outside.

Some Archie comic readin' might be nice. Or Trumpet of the Swam. I've enjoyed it thus far. :)

I hope that - if the possibility is there - you don't ask me. XD
Not to be mean. You're dandy. But now I'm uncomfortable. >.>

[Mobile]

I wonder what else will happen.

I'm curious as to what this summer holds in store. I don't sense that it will hold any life-changing surprises. It still doesn't really feel like summer. I feel like I'm on a pro-longed break that will end in the next week.

• Today, I let go of whatever was holding me back and enjoyed talking with you.
• Today, I saw you and you were confused and I felt bad and amused at the same time!
• Today, I had a lot of fun being with you and realized that you are excellent company :).
• Today, I got some exercise with you and we had fun, so thanks!
• Today, I was degraded by several boys and men and one slightly discomforting older man.
• Today, I realized that next car wash I should wear something that shows none of my body so I walk away feeling like a decent human being.

Alright. I'm uncomfortable now. It's unfortunate that he was right in calling your personality accurately, because you are a good person. You just need to... Not act like that when you don't know me. You think you do, but you don't. I don't know you either. Really, what we have is still a forming friendship and I want to stay away from you now -.- When we visit next, which you seem to be pushing for... I don't want it to be long.

>.< .

Things get better.

I want to work on my fitness.

Today was fun.

Thanks for that, 'twas nice!

.... You! I'm going to get to you. Just wait and see.

Do you actually hide part of yourself from me? o.O

HEY YOU! Nice talking to you again.

Sam. I enjoy you.

It's odd how those intense downward spirals of sadness can level off to something nice so quickly after sleep.

I'll just blame this on that.

Ughhhhh. :(


[Mobile]

Thoughts of the evening

• This week will be not-so-great for visiting you guys, but next week we can begin, okay?!
• Thanks for the offer, I appreciate being thought of, this summer will be a friend-building one.
• ... Hehhh I always forget about those thoughts. I like when you're human.
• Alright, trying to ignore the fact that I'm almost uncomfortable now.
• Still alive? I'm sure you are, I acted weirdly when you messaged me, now you stopped... Hope all is well o.O

Ah-ha!

You come on too strong. Back off a bit then I'll feel better. xD

Thanks.

Definitely did not relieve all stress but was a nice thing to do. Ha ha.


My stomach is in knots. I can't make my legs stop moving without a lot of willpower. Things will get easier. That's how it goes. I cling to that, and getting my license. Two more weeks.


[Mobile]

Fmbmmluhmmgrul.

That title, if sounded out, depicts how logical I feel when I'm this tired.

"Step outside of the box and in to a new one. If you're not inside the old box how can you feel boxed in?" This makes a lot of sense. Thank-you, I will try to step outside of the box. When I obtain my license I can drive out of the box more often. xD :)

That was probably the most unusual sleepover full of mishappenings and misfortunes ever to have been a part of my sleepover count. So sorry about all of that XD. We made a delicious cake that everyone likes, though. xD

Today I got to use my VIP discount! WOOOOO. Is it odd that I identify you with pickles most of the time? Or identify pickles with you? My dad thinks you look like a natural, good job :).

I think I'll just.. I don't know, I don't want to say give up on trying, but I think I'll wait until you seem to care a bit more. I try to push care on you but you don't seem to want it. Perhaps you're protecting him, thank-you if you are I guess.

Hey, I get claustrophobic with people, I still love them deep down!

I am content in being labeled as a sly pooch, though. I'll be saying "pooch" inside my head for awhile now.

Who is a sly pooch? Meh?

Hello, sirs and madams.

• Dear You: I'm sorry. You feel far away but if I go close then I feel you suffer.
• Dear You: I love you very much. Through your ups and downs and what leaves me feeling inferior I will stand by you. Foeva'!
• Dear You: I love you a lot and I can only feel that good things will grow from this. I can't imagine you not being around years from now.
• Dear You: I'm sorry that we haven't visited very often this year, but I want to make it up to you in the summer. You are a good friend.
• Dear You: I think that you are quite dandy despite a few things that could be deemed less than dandy! I await many goodnesses.
• Dear You: I'd like if you acted like you appreciated my friendship, maybe during the summer you will be more open. Or stick by him, I lose in the latter.
• Dear Self: You have a good plan and will do good things, I can promise you this. Life is opening up and you are more prepared than you let yourself believe.

Alright.

You do that, and see if you can relax a bit.

I don't want to keep dealing with all of this stress. I'm sorry that you feel the way you do but if I go back, then I'm betraying myself and I'll continue to make you unhappy because there will be confusion. I like the free feeling. Let it be.

YO YO YO.

Dear Shelby: Hello. I enjoy you and your antics which - despite you claiming to hate me for mine - grow increasingly odd ("I'm a bird I'm a bird...")

Dear Samantha: Hello! You are a funny person. I like that I love you for how loving and innocent and weird you can be ("Hey there, gurlfrand!").

Just a note to both of you.

I'll stand by you

This will get better. You don't see it now but that's because we have only known one another. Spend time with other people that you don't usually. Make yourself do fun things with fun people. I am.

For now. Treat this as a new beginning rather than an end. It can't be looked at as temporary otherwise it's pointless.

Neither of us are 'okay',

But we will be! I want to genuinely see what happens this time instead of giving in to that intensely strong "I wish" "I want" "I need" "I can't" feeling. I love being with you but things were unsteady and I foresee us being together again. I need to know, though, and you should try to embrace the friendship for what it is right now.

I enjoyed our time together, it was different - kind of feels like it didn't really happen though!

I'm very glad that you are going to have this opportunity... It'll make things good. I hope you'll be happier!

So strange - only 11 days until school is done... Then will begin my last highschool summer vacation. I'll miss my family if I go away somewhere but I really want to know what campus life is like - and I think I'd come home almost every weekend. Every holiday, too.

I'm excited about stuff.

• This time-taking thing is confusing and frustrating, but good I suppose.
• I look forward to learning more.
• Driving will be something I can do on my own soon enough!
• A future without living at home scares meeee.
• I'll be so impatient for next year now!
• Hopefully, you (pl.) are okay.

As unimpressed as it makes me, I feel bad that you guys might not grow out of your "reckless" days and will eventually grow to have failing livers and become hopelessly dependent.

Good good good.

You made part of your weekend fun and different. Or rather someone else did but at least you were involved. I feel a bit better now. One more night and day to get through.

You were once happy with nothing like that. It infuriates me to remember what you said.


[Mobile]

I hope for a quiet week. Weekend might be crowded. A quiet day tomorrow, too.

You go, girl. xD

Try to look beyond the hesitation you've created... Maybe you won't mind.
Today was nice, you are suddenly becoming much happier, and you gave me a pretend flower. :)
Hopefully I either figure out how to get beyond this or I do something else about it.

I enjoy you! I'm glad to be friends.

Maybe I can survive this if I stop thinking and start doing.

Ha-ha. Good luck with that, Katie!

I had a nice day for the most part. Another rainbow of emotions to deal with, though. I was happy to be able to take pictures in the warmer weather. I kind of feel like being by myself for the rest of the week. Maybe after tomorrow I'll get on that.


[Mobile]

Katie...

Just relax!

You are more than capable of being perfectly fine in a situation that is perfectly happy. Switching back to first person, I think that what I don't want is to have stuff pointed out anymore. No more comparing what was to what is. I'm living in the now and going with how I feel. If how I feel is innocent and I need to get through that, then I really think it would be easier if you just let me. What I'm doing, or not doing, is not in any way indicating that I care any less. You might have had your breakthrough and then expected things to be normal - it did not happen that way for me, you must realize this. Yes, two people can be happy together forever but I don't want to say that my future holds you in it as my partner when that hope, feeling, knowledge was smothered by a rainbow of weird emotions constantly messing with me. It was frustrating and I opened my eyes to the possibility of sharing my life with other people. I'm scared for what you'll do when I go to university, because you'll go to a school for music and I'll go for my degrees - they'll probably be different schools... Pictures of us show what happiness can look like for two people in love, though; so I will try to focus on that for now.
The fact I suddenly want to cry a bit is what I believe to be the result of this project, and everything I just typed out, and the fact that you are coming back and I fear that things will not go as you hope and you'll become depressy again.
Life is good, though. Life will go on.

Reminders that I have forgotten to say aloud lately:

• I am a good person.
• I will be successful in whatever I do.
• The sound of people eating is no reason to be furious.

The last one is the one I really need to work on.

How do you do a strikethrough on here?

Dagnabbit! It would be today, the only day in so long that I forget my phone at home, that you would be in a cell phone reception area and send me messages to say you love me -.-. It is unlike you as it is to sound so jolly, maybe things will turn around, at least until you come back to school. :P

I miss you a bit.

I forgot what it was like. I am sad you're gone, but maybe I'm sad because you didn't seem like you were going to miss me and that made me sad... I generally have not felt intense emotions besides love or frustration regarding you. Even then, the love was gentle and not strong. I wanted you to give me a big hug and tell me you'd miss me but instead you blamed the fact you were leaving on your bad mood and left... At least you sent one last message before disappearing from cell phone reception :(. I do love you. The things I share with you still feel really right. I don't know if it's because it is all I know, but I do know that I don't tire of holding your hand or the feeling of receiving a hug from you. The comfort that comes with seemingly fitting perfectly there is immense. Your hands are big and mine are small but this seems to make them fit all the better, too. Kisses are nice as well, they seem right. Ugh, what are all of these feelings doing? I don't think I want to commit, yet I do because the reprocussions of not doing so seem so great (as in massive, not good) - such as missing you, wanting you, not having you, the loss of a piece of who I am. I don't want to do anything yet. Wait for the Summer, I think. I will wait for the time I know you will be freed of the life-destroyer which is school (for you, obviously, not I). Maybe then you will bounce back now that I'm putting myself out there for you. I'm two different people. One of me wants you always and the other wants you but wants you after I know that that is for sure what I want. "You can't flog a dead horse" - how unpleasant, but is our relationship actually at that point? I don't think that it has died and we are trying to pump life into it... I think that we are just not on the same page. Or maybe that is the same thing - I don't know! Also, I am unable to tell what actually tempts this "other" me to want to explore. Is it simply that things aren't the same, can't be (or so this me feels), so I seek untied freedom? Or is it you? Part of it is, it branches off from here again though: Is it you simply for that reason, or is it you because you show me what I can't have but would like to have? Which in this instance wouldn't be you, but the freedom. In any case, I will not talk to you for some time. On Monday night we'll see how things go. Hopefully "Treehouse" the squirrel will keep you in good company while you endure your family for five days. I'm sure it will not be dreadful, try to live a little with them, they aren't awful.

If you ask:

Do you (still) love me? I will say Yes. Of course.
Do you want to be with me? I will say Yes.
As much as before? I will be frustrated with myself, and say Yes. I have always loved you.
Do you fully believe that we will last forever? I will say Forever is a long way away, let's just believe we are here and we are now because counting on forever is counting on something we can't ever know for sure. All I know now is that I love you and maybe I seem different but I'm trying to find myself and explore the world and maybe this is a problem but it feels right and I want to do it happily. I want you to do it happily, too.

Whew, pretty melodramatic there, Katie. It is truth, though - I will say this.

Dear You,

I act weird and perhaps this is just dramatic but when I think of us apart I really don't imagine myself feeling complete. I love you lots and you're very important to me. I just want you to show emotion, show that some things matter, be the You who loves life. You aren't depressing I just know there's a lot more You to love than what you're showing <3:).

Sincerely, Scattered amd Loving.


[Mobile]

I hope you're okay.

Testing...


[Mobile]

Campaigning begins tomorrow :).

Good luck to all of you who are running.

Yahoo, another one bites the dust. It was fun having you around I guess.

I LOVE SHLEBU'S KITTEN.

Samantha I am super sorry for my failure to make phone calls work. I like when you call me so don't stop just because I am bad at it. Unless it's out of control. :P


[Mobile]

Just because it doesn't feel okay doesn't mean it won't be eventually.


[Mobile]

Dagnabbit, up past 11 again. I'll regret it later. How I wish I could become sleepy around 10:30 instead and not feel this light sense of abandonment until only now when the tiredness strikes.

I love you, speaking to you in different locations and communicating with you in different ways confuses me. Your tone seems to change, but I should not judge entirely based on text I can only see and read.

Thanks for that... No other reason? That makes me happy.

Happy Mother's Day :)

I wonder what is happening.

I don't feel I am doing any sort of lying to myself.
"I can't convince myself that I care any less than I did."
It's something I can debate, but I think I am truthful.
If it is anything, I think it would be caring "differently"?
I like being able to look into my mind and see sun and
happiness when I consider you and I. :) We work well.
Together, we can say and do weird things that others
might not find as amusing. Maybe, but it is more special
when it is just us. XD Anyways, for the time being, all
I shall say is I love you and we need to get this project done. :D

I'm glad you are home. :)

Not being dramatic, just a thought.

I wonder what our graduation will be like. I can't imagine going... The thought of it seems so surreal, and then shortly thereafter high school will be over. I am scacred that I'll lose what I have, but I don't think I will if I can manage to become better at keeping in touch.

I wonder what would have happened if we had danced.

Yo.

The thought of that made me very sad on the inside... xD

Funny, feeling trapped by happiness seems like a weird thought. :P
I don't think I feel trapped, I think I just feel that I'm being sheltered from something I should experience. Though, I no longer feel that there is anything for me to immediately.

• You are good to me almost all of the time. It is nice. I am comfortable and happy with how we are but sometimes I feel less inclined to be all intense and I prefer to live innocently and as though it is Summer time. Summer time makes things feel better. When EVER I imagine us, I imagine green grass, trees, blue sky and intense sunshine. Honestly.
• Sometimes I feel off but we are purdy wicked as a team...
• I hope that everything is okay, because your fluctuations are kind of out there.
• I'm glad that she tells me that I'm more than what you make me out to be, because you show her all of the time and I receive only laughs at my expense. I don't mind, but the lack of otherness is kind of blah. :P

What's the point in doing that?

Anger isn't necessary. I don't expect much anymore.
I am in a weird mood. I can feel the burning tear sensation, why though?
At least you said you're my friend. Beyond that phrase, I guess we'll see what's true. Blech!
Mixed signals? What about your ever-changing happiness depending on whether you're at school or not? School is very important to me. No, you won't need to know all of it, but deal with it. You'll appreciate it I'm sure. Not just you, either.
If I confuse you more and more, what does that mean? You're not any less content with me, yet you don't seem to enjoy the bafflement I bring with me. Please explain xD. For I am frustrated with lingering fog.

Blah. I miss you.

I am not downish because you're gone, I just feel... Ugh.
It's not completely unknown as to why either, which is nice.
Currently, I feel out of touch. The weekend has made me feel
out of it. Going back tomorrow will be nice. I can work on the
project, I can get the trial over with, I can find out from my
teachers what work I might be missing if I go camping.
Friday will probably be fun. I look forward to that.
I need to keep the fact strong in my mind that I
am not responsible for everyone's happiness.
Mostly by everyone, I refer to you alone.
The guilt I feel for being unavailable
should not be there. If our love is
good then you'll just be happy
knowing we will soon see
each other. Right? Yes.
I'm off now. Adios.

I already know that.
It shouldn't bother me, but sometimes it gets to me how minimal respect it feels like I get for being big-hearted :(. Or at least what I consider to be big-hearted.

Dagnabbit, this project will feel so exhausting.


[Mobile]

Good.

I didn't actually intend to make the connection, but I guess it was.
It now doesn't apply because you've moved to sadness instead of just anger. xD

Mua ha.. *Vanishes into Internet night*

Good.

Day 2 of WiiFit

Has the second day of working out always been the worst? Or will the third top it? XD
My wrist hurts! Along with several muscles!

Day 1 of WiiFit

Complete. Today's will begin shortly.

Mahhhhhhh.

"I like when people are happy."
"See? That's what it's all about."

I like traffic guy. Today was a nice day. Half of it spent at home without any visitors and I did the majority of my math homework and then spent the last half of daylight with Shlebu. A nice balance. Wet suits + warm weather + trampoline = Time for cold pool -> Too cold.

I would happily jump in again though. On another unrelated note, I am going to dedicate this week to some working out so that I don't keep ballooning my stomach. I'm busy directly after school for Tuesday, Wednesday AND Thursday so I won't be visiting anyone on those days. Hopefully I won't have much homework because then I can focus on some physically healthy time to be spent. :)

It contents me to think "I'll just let things go how they go, and what happens will happen". Things happen, then other things happen and what happened before can't be changed. If what WILL happen leads to unforeseen happenings, then I suppose I'll just take a look. Things can't be that bad if I'm not planning them out. At least in terms of day-by-day life, not career and school-wise.

I'm not seeking (by the way) to become enviously thin. XD I like my flub, I just want to have a fit physique, because I am a strong and flexible individual - something I pride myself on. I want to portray that to others when they see me. EIGHTEEN PACK HERE I COME. Or not. XD

Ah love stuff.

Not meant in the funny way. :P

Today was a fairly good day. I wonder what will happen tomorrow. And the next day.

HOORAH.

What am I doing? I'm acting okay because nothing has ended, and I have not gone back.
I feel okay being in the middle when I'm by myself, because the middle provokes no intense emotions. I'll figure something out soon I suppose...

Hi Brain.

I guess you didn't want me to sleep tonight. Thank-you. >.>


[Mobile]

These aren't my glasses.

Life is good.

I look forward to tomorrow's field trip. Hopefully my group turns out the way I am partially imagining.

I like being your friend. Don't leave me hanging though.

I made a sandwich :).


[Mobile]

Ummmm, okay there. >.>

• I wonder if I'm doing this to us O.o, or if there is actually anything at all.
• Today was good for you - I enjoyed it lots! Or was that yesterday? No, today. :D
• It sounded rude, wasn't intended to be. You could ask me yourself, I'm open to reply.
• I had fun yesterday!

Side note, I don't want to get you out of my life >.> I'm simply offering you what I think would be healthy for your mind since your mind seems to be cluttered with repetative blah thoughts. I say this NOT TO OFFEND. I say it because it is my thoughts. On here I will state them.

You,

Are okay.

Try to avoid acting as you did please.

I love you.

I think that was your way of asking for plans yet keeping your uncaring persona up.

Sammm! I don't know. I enjoy you though.


[Mobile]

I FIGURED IT OUT! :D

I like snowboarding!

I'll miss you!..

I know you're coming back, but I was really excited for this class to be special.
It'll still be fun and interesting, it just won't be what I thought it could be with you teaching it. Good luck all the same.

Hello, Brain.
What are you doing? I don't think you're super envious, just a bit ticked off. What are you doing in regards to him? You're happy? I think you are, but you feel like you want to reach for something - even though you know it isn't going to be the same. You do know that it is healthy to reach though. Huh. Not sure, are you? :P

Are you okay? :\

Hurrah? =o

I don't know, I guess I kind of hesitate to feel happy with my mind because I liked where I was going with my thoughts before; but it's okay. I am still growing and being happy with having the same good thing is okay. I'm finding new ways to explore and build on myself so I'm okay for now.

• You are good. Try to make it seem like you care, though.
• You are good. Try to not sound controlling though, because you do.
• You are good. Try to not let LOST take over too much of your brain. Kate will be okay.
• You are good. Try to listen to your conscience. *Ahem*
• You are good. Try to heal up in faster than 6 weeks because I miss you being able.
• You are good. Try to sleep more.

DID YOU DELETE A BLOG ENTRY? FOOL I WANTED TO READ!

Why am I confused? This makes no sense. Which is why I am confused, I suppose.
Really, though. Currently: Healthy, happy, long-term is a for sure. Possibility: Sadness?, freedom to try, having to return if it goes that way.

I don't know. >.> -.-

Hi.

Happy Easter Sunday :).

I had a nice one. A sleepover to ring it in and a nice day to take it out. I love you.

I don't like remembering that small reality.

It is a curiosity to me as to whether I'll feel anything about it.


[Mobile]

Same boat?

It seems we're kind of on the same weird page in similar boats?

Sigh. I'm content, not sure with what. Not sure what I'm discontent with either. I'm going to blame lack of exercise. It seems logical for all symptoms.

Rawrness! I love you. -.-

I’m not really sure what I’m thinking about all of this.

Maybe I’m feeling kind of trapped, but trapped by love and goodness? It is odd to think that what I wanted so much before isn’t having the same effect now. Perhaps because it came too late to really strike me. I dropped my “you’re the only one” card and have yet to pick it up again. That’s why I can love you so much and still feel that twang whenever I think about… Other things. It is simply due to my letting go so quickly of that one thing. As upset as I was at the time I had been so prepared to do it I just let go right then and let things happen. Such a frustrating predicament I put my mind in - I now regret it but I don’t know that I could help it. Maybe I could have not talked to him for so long. It was really helpful, though. I’m just not sure what to do. Right now, I think the week has to go by and I’ll see how my mind relaxes (or doesn’t) as the week progresses. If I’m having a lot of trouble I might have a problem, if not then perhaps all I need to is to put space until I’ve re-committed myself? The thing is, I am not so certain that I’m going to allow myself to totally abandon those small feelings that I’ve allowed to re-exist. It felt really nice to be back there again. HOWEVER, you love me very much and I love you very much and we have something extremely good that many people do not find for a long time. I need to think about that. The grass isn’t aways greener on the other side, but now I know that there is other grass… And I kind of want to know. Again though, I don’t know if I want to actually venture over. I do, but there’s too much to lose.

Huh.

I think I just want to know, don't know if I actually want to do...

Sam!

Stop being so sick! And good luck at your interview! :D

Okay.

Come on!

I can't tell.

I either feel nauseous from ulcer causing thoughts -.- or from the combination of chicken and tea at 7:30pm... I'm not sure!

Sure I am, however, about the fact I'd like to read Harry Potter this weekend! Alas, I cannot... It and my Psychology report sit quietly in my locker.

It's weird, these thoughts. I can't tell what I'm feeling about it besides the stress. I'm only sure that I love you a lot and I love how happy we've become. You've become. I think it's we because I am happy. I am just not blissfully happy like you are - only due to this thinking.

Yuck. I feel as though I am going to vomit.

(I want you to again. Or to continue. I'm not sure what the case is. Get out!!)

[Mobile]

Yessssss...

I got a good night!

March 24, you bring me things.

And by things I mean nothing particularly important but all the same frustrating and happying! I will first name the frustrations.

Frustrations:

• Literature! Nooo!
• Spanish! Nooo!
• Plan for the week! Probably worthy of a Nooo! I wanted to visit =.=

Happying:

• Why that was a pleasant and classic surprise! Thanks for carrying my school books for me XD.
• I like you! Not a boy. :P
• I’m going to take Geography.
• Yearbook stuff is kind of coming together.
• My future looks bright.
• Life.

I think I have found contentness.

Yes, I keep re-stating this fact; but I love you so much! And I definately enjoy having you as a friend. I feel a new sense of empowerment despite being shot down a couple of times today...
It is good, I think.

My jaw is stiff!

I am actually beginning to calm down a little bit.

The thought is still exciting me, and not just the general one, either... However, I know I am not prepared to let go of what I have because I love what I have and you love me so I would just hurt everyone and flip everything over if I did.
For the time being, I will explore in a smaller way - a way that allows Katie to find more Katie. It'll be another self-discovery exploration. Personally I feel I have already found myself in many ways in the past short while. I'm keeping my eyes open for more opportunities.

Spring Break was a good time to do a few different things. I saw the people I care about and always get to see and saw a couple of people I care about that I don't! It was good. :D

Hopefully Mother shall allow this continued visiting... Though I doubt it will be easy. And hopefully you feel okay too o.O

:|

I guess it's kind of like it happening again.


[Mobile]

Oh Brain,

How you battle with thyself so >.>.


[Mobile]

Mom is half-right?

Do you feel a bit more jealous than you let on?

OH MY GOSH. MY BRAIN. I have very little solid thoughts anymore!! Dagnabbit!


[Mobile]

Well that was a fun day! Might have brought a bit of pain but it was overall a good time.

I do miss you but I always appreciate the time we have away because it makes the time together better most times.

My mind seems to be okay, I'm sure it'll fluctuate at times but I think I'm content right now with the weirdness that is there. Better be, Brain, or else! Don't betray me.

It made me slightly envious yet I think I may have put an idea in your head I didn't necessarily want to be there... Ummmm, my brain is also always confused on this subject. I need to just chillax and enjoy. Or, maybe that's why my brain is confused about the other thing... I like what we have and what we do but maybe I want.. Innocence again. Perhaps this is my confusion. I DO NOT KNOW! Oh boy! xD

Hm.

My brain might feel weird but I know that I'd still enjoy that XD.


[Mobile]

I like those. They are quite fun and always funny. Sometimes there is even some serious and down to earth conversations thrown into the mix.

I love you. I think I'll just stay where I am. Not think "I have to go and follow that feeling" but instead just let it exist for now. Ignore it, address it, neither needed. Que sirah sirah.

I think that I feel really happy with my friend situation amd family situation (that one for the most part ;P). I enjoy that feeling. I suppose I should accept that oter people achieve that feeling in their own way... Do things for the right reasons.


[Mobile]

Happy birthday, dear sister!

Meow.

• Sadly, there's little on my mind.
• I feel slightly, unsettled - not completely sure why anymore?
• At the same time, though, I am happy. Quite!
• It would be my guess I'm simply having trouble finding a balance between family and friends and doing things.
• Today's visit was fairly dull but I still enjoy us :)
• Shelby's mom should win the lottery, retire/buy Zellers, then she can sleep over all the time.
• Happy almost birthday!
• I'm not so sure about this. Vat is it I vant? Maybe nothing and I just cling because of the idea itself being interesting. I think I would be very sad not to have you. I don't know!

I am having a motivation collapse.

When I am previously excited about stuff then I become confused about one thing and all plans suddenly look much less bright and enjoyable. What a pain. >.<.

Tra la la la lava.

I'm not sure.

This is a post more-so made to satisfy my desire to thought dump.
Sadly, I have few thoughts to dump. The word dump seems innappropriate now.

Weird.

Not you, though. All of you is good :D.
It's weird to sense that, it existed too long ago.
Friday, woooooo ^.^

I vunder eef you vill.

I had a nice day, exercise, I was generous with snackage and beverages, you showed me lots of love and I showed you the same - good day!

This little issue will be resolved, I'm sure. There is nothing I can do so I will simply not do anything besides what I wanted before.





I love you. :)

Why hello there.

Off to hunt man.

Huzzah.


[Mobile]

I think it's just the time in between.

I'd have to say that is why I feel kind of strange.

Also a few small things, but mostly that I think... It messes with me! Not seeing you. xD

Well!

I have not been on in a few days due to Internet not being que bueno.

The conversation we had last night was very good. Put thoughts in your head that you probably needed for relaxing if something occurred and you know my thoughts and I just believe it was overall healthy - even if there were a couple of things that bothered me. Still, all the same, I believe you and I had good stuff to say.

I feel like just letting it go is good fo me... Though, I still kind of... Consider!

In the meantime, I think it is chips time.

!!!!!!

STOP!!! I did not do anything!


[Mobile]

A bit of tiredness bringing thoughts.

Maybe if we made the effort to speak with you there would be a bit less of a harsh barrier between your current situation and your old one which included us. I'm not sure. I feel that there has definately been some sort of change for you and I find it hard to embrace because I cannot be a part of your new close friendships due to the secrecy. Perhaps I've just made a big deal out of it without making my due effort. I don't know.
I should probably make more effort before I let you slip away from what we still have completely. If it is still there, that is o.O.

I would say

This day was very much happiness bringing. I liked it a lot!
What a random gift idea but if you identify something that looks happy with me then I am happy with that. XD You brought much happiness and I think I brough you lots too :D. Thanks!

Also, I am very glad to be freed of this and that. I think our relationship can be better now.





Shelby, one day... I'll sleep over.

Sam? I'm glad you found it inside you to get out of bed today.

Whew. Much, much better.

This can last. I finally settled how I feel.

• I love you. You didn't do anything so I had no basis on which to base my decision. So I changed it back.
• I've allowed myself to be freed of a LOT of my envy. Thanks self and thank YOU for always being trusting.
• Those thoughts can be safely tucked away and we may continue doing this.
• If anything is going to be made to make a decision about it hasn't happened yet so I'm not going to panic until it does. For now, I will just be and be happy.

Que sirah sirah.

Sigh.

Why?


Brain,
You seem to be misleading me.
You told me before that you wanted time, then you were influenced and felt the belief that you no longer needed, and you felt happy yet thoughts kept bubbling up inside you and attacking me in turn. They completely contradicted my happiness.
Please stop and tell me what you want.

Yesssssss.

• Blah.
• Relieved? Mrah.
• Sad.
• Tired. A proper sleep tonight?
• Thank-you for an enjoyable day.
• You're rude about it but you helped.
• Please don't wallow.

:)

I love you very much.
My emotions are messed up but I know that one is true.

If I acted sneakily all of the things I said were true.






Shelby, no sleepover this week? FOOL!

Well, well, WELL.

Happy birthday to those who have one today!

Yo.

I'm with the Sam now.
We shall partake in a LOST marathon for the evening. :)

That would have been very nice of you, the effort/thought is appreciated :)


Ummmm. Okeh.

Mhm.

Let it be.

3 days :)


[Mobile]

Hum.

I enjoy when everyone just tends to be in a good mood and everyone is happy.

Let's find us some happy everyone - Spring has arrived!

Moooooooooooo cow.

The Sam is coming over tonight :O

I like those.

I'm really happy that you feel that way. Thank-you very much. I hope it stays.








Okay. -.- Let's stop with that now.

Uhhm.

I'm excited. Not for what you may think.

:)

Go ahead.

I'd say I don't care if you're disappointed but I do. Everyone who knows can feel that way. Judge me if you will :|


[Mobile]

Bleh.

Heartaches hurt.


[Mobile]

Hum.

I am sad, but I am okay too.










I'm also struck by old NEWs. How random and surprisingly... Something.
It seems incorrect though.

Wow.

I guess it is easier to do that then I thought.


I can relax now, though. The worst is over. Now there will be a few questions, a bit more pain, then I can begin to have fun. I love you but you let it sleep. I didn't lose it, you just took the priviledge away from me because you lost it. That's okay, it's just unfortunate.

This is a good thing, and I can see it as such now that I'm done crying. :P

Dang.

:|

What would I do without those small things? Destiny, come in please.


[Mobile]

A battle of one mind.

Dramatic, yes. It's how I feel -.-

How coincidental (but not really, it seems by now) it would be you pl. I'd be pondering over. What craziness my mind is. Seeing your lack of joy and feeling disappointed and thinking you could possibly be doing something bad. Craziness.

On the other hand, not too much to worry about in your regard I don't think.

Ugh... This stomach pain is impressively unpleasant. Which side is your appendix on?


[Mobile]

Really, tears?

Leave me be -.-


[Mobile]

Honestly, you tear my heart apart. I don't know what to think.


[Mobile]

La la la

No. More. Tired!
Please :D


I feel like writing in italics right now.
Typing with a band-aid on mah thumb is not making things as simple as I would like. Ohhh mah gosh I don't know what to do or say -.- I feel, but I really don't know how to aid other than lending an ear.
Hmmm, I wonder if this is going to sort itself out at all, or if all of this advice is a sign that it should not be something to continue? I'd rather that not be the answer and rather just find some joy. He says you are a good friend. You are. You both are, really.

... Even if it does add to the list of things that can hurt you :P. <- Not connected to above.

Neat.

We will see how this goes then, shall we? A clean slate and you're even agreeing to make an effort towards my family. It'll take time, so don't stop trying after the first visit.
Off to Vancouver to see Dr. McDonald today. I might be driving. The thought intimidates me XD.
I think I am getting better. I believe the sickness may be starting to wane now... It'd be nice for the tiredness to go away so I'm not relatively sleepy all day anymore!
I enjoy my new application on my telephone! It's rather interesting. Hopefully I can get it to work properly.


[Mobile]

Ummm.

I wish I understood what was going on a little bit more. I don't think I know anymore...

You know, I enjoy us. We are good together. Sometimes there are these painfully annoying conflicts but they usually disappear without a hitch once someone's mood changes. That italicised doesn't really imply anything, I just wanted to use it...
Nope, I am NOT speaking of my beau, here.

Speaking of him now, though! IT IS MARCH FIRST! Does anyone else realize this?! 9 days until TWO WHOLE YEARS! I find this difficult to believe!

PS.

The blog remains a sanctuary.

Nah.

I was just in a weird mood when I wrote that stuff. I was extremely tired, too.

WOOOOOOOOO! Yay for Canada's 14 gold medals! :) I am proud of our new record-setting Olympic Games. It was also quite exciting to actually BE there and see the people react. I was cheered for when I hung my Canadian bandana out the window XD. Honking galore, I definately enjoyed it. Happy honking beats annoyed regular honking.

Don't be annoyed, it's just been inconvenient. You should be sad and excited for the future instead of annoyed and grumbly about it. xP

Cough.

Tomorrow I'll see Vancouver in the Olympic storm for the first time first-hand. Hopefully it shall be fun amd I won't be coughing. I need sleep. I'm feeling unbalanced but I think it's in a good way. Sad but only because all of the good pushed that emotion to the front of my brain. I think.
There's probably some real sad there, too. You didn't used to have all of that stuff inside you. Anddddd I like the movie Sweet Home Alabama!:) It is a sweet little time.
That information is definately not enjoyable. She doesn't want to know that. It will only further cause pain because she will care but not in a way that will make her stop caring altogether. I wish something would just work out in her favour. Please? I do love her.

11 days! Strange how Time randomly rears its head.


[Mobile]

RE:

You have. I really hope. Someone? Anything but everything... But all the same something - I'll try.

Raaaaaaawr.

I wonder what you're doing... If you feel any sense of loss when you consider me.

On a brighter note - woo for you! I am glad you've found things that intrigue you and that you can get excited about.

Ohh photos, I would enjoy to take some interesting ones right about now... I crave the excitement of it! The shutter and the nice lighting and then the reviewing of a photo that makes me go: WOO!

A sign? :P

Whew, feeling a bit confused at the moment. I am alright though. I feel kind of thrown off by a few things at the moment. Not because they are weird though which is the strange part!

I wish I could cast some joy because while one seems to gain the others seem to decline and rise frequently. Often times it is simply all down... Which I don't enjoy.

Sometimes I desire to feel refreshed in terms of environment and people. Even if just for one set period of time. Then I feel fine. My mind frame determines that usually. Maybe it's because... No, not the needing thing. I don't think that always applies. Who knows?

Good night, all.


[Mobile]

Vdlwlwhx slauwp

Do what you want. I'm incredibly lost on how to feel so you might as well not "hide" seeing as I'm not angry. It's some other weird feeling. Go ahead, you obviously know who you are.


[Mobile]

Argh.

Isn't it frustrating when the need to talk conflicts with the privacy of the subject matter? >.>


[Mobile]

Ughhh.

I think it's time for another counselor's appointment...

...

Huh.

Wow.


On another note, I am happy with Math :D.
Still feeling ickish though so I'm not out of the woods yet.


[Mobile]

-.-

I suppose it won't be me breaking the news. Good try!



Down with this sickness... HUZZAH!


[Mobile]

Well.

That's just pretty darn annoying.

La!

I was very tired during the last part of today, however the day was not too bad.

My stress is still going on regarding Yearbook... I feel it will be possible that we'll get enough done to keep our deadlines decent... *pulls out hat of hopefulness*

The dance is tomorrow night! I don't think a lot of people I know are going to it but I am still looking forward to going. I will be able to to take lots of interesting pictures and hopefully have a few nice dances. Too bad I can't dance to anything with any sort of style :).



Buck up it'll be alroight.

Life In Advance

A daunting task that is slowly coming together. I think I will be successful in completing it before I go to work. It is proving difficult to come up with new ideas for each decade but I am almost there!

Where are my friends and their blogs?!

I would enjoy some bed time reading material, people.

Oh. Yes...

You fancy me don't you?o.o


[Mobile]

I like that.

I'm also fluent in Sarcasm.

I do not believe you are unintelligent.

Random mornings, but I think they are justifiable.

I'll be a bit relieved when the University Challenge is over, but I have enjoyed it. If I was on my own, a few things would definately be completed already... The teamwork is handy, we have all done well on it. However, I do believe we need to agree on some basic things that will add to the overall effect of the project.

Huzzah! Life In Advance is finally coming along, though it makes me question how some people go through their entire lives living one career path. I think I could do it, because my optimum goal is to have two, both very different and one with a lot of options and chances to expand. Truly, though the one seems simple, I can imagine myself being really happy doing it, and I think the combination of the two would be financially and mentally beneficial. I am excited just thinking about it.

I hope for the best for you, not in the far future, but I do hope that you pull out the big guns so that you can make your point and not be left trodden on every time. You may not care about the one aspect - but not caring about that is leaving the other aspect which you care most about unattended. I do think you're tending to it now, though... Which is good.

Ummmm, I'm kind of uncomfortable. Something seems off to me and it causes actual fear in me to think about it. You constantly say it's nothing, but why can I not seem to shake this weird feeling I have been getting from you? Do I just need to spend more time with you? Is there some sort of sixth-sense vibe I'm receiving? What is it?! It is incredibly frustrating trying to sort out because I love you XD.

Onnnnnlllllllllllyyyyyyyy YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! -music note-

Dagnabbit.

I don't like this.

The sadness has struck again. Why, though?


[Mobile]

Golly, that's uncomfortable.

Alongside my new contentedness, I find every morning this week to be a huge challenge to wake up to. I feel immediately frustrated and angry until I've exited my bed and I fo sho don't like it, dawg.


[Mobile]

Ragh.

A rising contentment has left me with few totally content people around me. Poop!


[Mobile]

La la la la laaa.

A good visit today, that was enjoyable! Dog...


I feel confident about my classes and what I will do after high school. No, I am not choosing the highest-paying possible career path, but I definately think I could enjoy it almost every day I go. And it would leave me the summer to enjoy myself and work on photography.

Harley is healing up as well, yay for him being allowed to walk around again!
(RIP Cooper, we miss you lots!)

I am in a generally content state of mind with myself, though I am sad for the unhappiness settling in the minds of those that I care about.

I like when I think I called someone but I only listened to an empty screen for a full minute.

I have been having a good time watching the Olympics. Now, for a "You!" note.

- You (many): I apologize, today was not a good day for me, I woke up really impatient and stressed out and it didn't go away for the entire day.
- You: Well, I'm not sure what to say. I'm sorry it happened. And I am sorry for the more terrible thing ultimately...
- You: Your puppy dirtied my skirt! But I like her still XD.
- You: I'm not sure how to feel in regards to that stuff, but everything else seems pretty good.


Mr. Ross made me feel downer today regarding the whole 2 years only of being 'in love' fact - but I think that the choice to stay with someone because you enjoy their company and you love who they are as a person is something that can stick with you forever, so it is not impossible to stay in love. The feeling of passionate love just wanes.

Welllllll,

I'm not sure what to predict the next line of events will be, if any.


On another note - that was a weirdly long-feeling weekend, is it actually time for school again?

Another overcast day.

Happy Valentine's Day. To everyone, friends and family and pets. Even to those of you who are righteous. Enjoy the day

My state of mind has changed in regards to that. I'm sure it will change back, but for now it must be respected and I should not be pushed.

Suddenly coming back? Hmm!

I am excited to go to the dance. I hope it doesn't turn into a whine-fear by you, though. I'm kind of nervous to go with you. >.>

The Grade Twelve challenge was really fun and I liked it lots XD. It was a good opportunity which if presented with a similar one will inspire me to be part of it.


[Mobile]

Here to stay?

The Internet has returned in working condition to my home!

I was a bit confused on which connection to use, but once I connected to the correct one and Jemmy did some fixing we were good to go. :)

Things are all fairly happy except: Your attitude towards this subject is painful. Your future lies with these choices to some extent, and I know you will care more when it comes to it later because you'll have more choices, but you seriously need to think about how maybe a couple of difficult choices that will last a few months will result in years of doing something you truly enjoy.
This whole situation is ruining the whole extreme happy thing for me. So thank-you. *thumbs up* :)

Hum!

I have to wonder what has been going on. I've lost hat used to be my most strong connection. Maybe the phrase regarding some people walk into your life for a moment or short while or forever leaves you in the middle position. Which is sad, maybe things will turn around one day. The old days are missed, though.
Things seem to have improved. One day isn't enough to go on, but I do believe the small improvement will lead to bigger ones, ones which will make the near and perhaps far future better.
Oh dear, did I allow myself to fall into that typical little pit? I wonder. I don't think it's all too true anyhow, I seek simpler things now.
I am pumped for Friday, seeing Sam (Shelby too?), Valentine's Day (+ movie?:D), finishing more Yearbook, picking my courses, and the dance because the dress Daddy picked out for me in Mexico es muy bueno. :)
All-in-all, I am a content person right now. My camera is keeping me happy too. I must read the manual amd become more knowledgeable though. I want to understand and know most of its abilities some time.


[Mobile]

Rah,

I don't like the moments when I feel as though everything tears me in different directions.


[Mobile]

Hello, hello, hello!

I still have no Internet at home in Surrey, so in Chilliwack I shall post again... Which is what I am doing now. I have had a good weekend thus far =D. Photographs tonight were neato, silhouettes are happy-making. I wish those fellows had returned though... That would have made for a fancy photograph.

Uhhhmmmm, that was a bit uncalled for ;), but oh well, it is to be expected sometimes... Sometimes I just desire a bit more tolerance. I didn't do anything... o.o

LA LA LA LA LA LA LA! Hope all is well in your mind, I think things are working out. Holy poo, only four days. I'm glad you said what you said, 'twas nice of you, bold and very worth saying. I wonder if you'd truly stick by it.





... Mmm, rooooahh. xD/>.o

Ah!

I don't know if you meant *I* slipped a comment, but I have faith in you! I know you could easily do it if you decided: Okay, I hve a goal, LET'S DO THIS. AHHHHH. Perhaps without the battle cry? No. With the battle cry... You are a strong-headed person, and if you focused you could do this happily. I think you'd actually enjoy challenging yourself to achieve something. Especially because you are looking forward to independence. :)


[Mobile]

Rooooo

I know.

On another note - Whoa. How interesting...

And um - I cannot do that.


[Mobile]

Internet - nooope xD

It only works every minute for about five seconds, so I declare that the Internet in my home is currently NOT working correctly. I'm at my grandma's right now trying to print something off for school, but that doesn't seem to be working out too well either. Rahhhh! X)

I'm not on the offence...

No attack intended. Afact. Not attack.

Maybe not now, but if it ever affected more it'd be unfortunate.

I'm starting to feel I'm rubbing you the wrong way. Kind of unfortunate since the first time I did nothing and the second. Well.

HA HA HA. She is tempermental, but my sister is fuunnnnnyyyyyyyyy sometimes xD. Hoo boy. Cried a little on that one...


[Mobile]

Huh.

One joint affects the lungs as much as four cigarettes.


[Mobile]

Hum dee dum.

I have to wonder if you're talking to me?

Internet!

Your amount of not workingness the past 48 hours has been surprising.
You seem to be working now, so I will forgive you, seeing as you were trying very hard to work last night. xD

I think I'm paranoid,
bow bow bow, bow bow bow,
and complicatedddd.
Bow bow bow, bow bow bow,
I think I'm paranoiddd.

I can't get it out of my head.

It's not minor anymore. I just want you to stop completely.


[Mobile]

Reminder:

Soul mates.


[Mobile]

Okay.

"I still love you."

Good. I love you too.
This will be fine.

Ahh patience.

I wonder whot that was about? HMM!

Hmmm, I hope that you are not right, though I believe it could be true... That's a problem, and if it is true, it is a problem that makes me fairly sad to think about... It needs to be fixed, or - with this knowledge - I don't know how I feel about this... Please show me that you have some.

You. Oh boy. XD

Hah!

Good support. People tend to be happy FOR you, even if the source of happiness is not theirs.


~iPhone's BlogPress

Augh

I wish you didn't.



Ouch, mouth, stop hurting!

On another note...

This note is actually a lot like another note I've once played...

Why do those things bother me? I suppose that I like to have certain qualities to myself. When certain things are so specifically me-oriented, I think I become a bit sensitive to things. xP

Erp.

Ohhh a birdy just flew by my window :D
I already told you, and I am not bothering you about it. I'm just going to be there.



By the way, I love the show Reba. XD

Uh oh.

Don't want to start feeling lahk THIS again... It'll be no big deal. Just a silent annoyance that bothers no one but me :D.


~iPhone's BlogPress

Nooo!

Not my ouchy tooth!

I would rather that not happen to someone, but carelessness sometimes brings misfortune, I suppose it was your time to become afraid.
Too bad it happened at the worst of times, if none of it is a lie that is.

Ha ha / O_<.

Ohhh how you tear me between laughter and unimpressed!
I suppose you are lucky you are a funny man.


We will have good times, I've missed thee!

Hum!

I am self-diciplined, and I can do this!
And not that!
Dinner with Sam soon? Yes.
How will I survive with people wanting to cook things I adore suddenly now that I'm trying to be heatlhy... I may need to start IN a month. XD

Thank-you.

Both of you really make me feel like a nice person. I'm fairly sure that not everything I do has hidden rude meanings. Not all questions I ask are meant to protect myself and my belongings. Yes, I've asked for reasons such as that- but why assume and give me nowhere to go but a corner? I don't want to be Wah-wah-wah-I-never-get-my-way! girl, but sometimes when you both pull out your stuff it hurts my feelings.


-iPhone's BlogPress

Why?

I must wonder how you can seemingly want to do something yet seem like doing it means I'll make you eat poo or something ridiculous like that!

The game is enjoyable. I won't be addicted like they are. So both of you- don't yell at me!


-iPhone's BlogPress

I know, I know.

The game is enjoyable, what can I say? I have the perception of a piece of toast while I am playing but it is still fun... Sorry Shleb. I won't make my life go down the toilet. I only played once. :P

I am silent now.

• Call of Duty does not seem to be a game I will gain any skill in any time soon, although I had quite a bit of fun trying to play.
• In relation to the above comment - remember, life exists outside of that and your other hobby. Both hobbies allow no personal contact with yours truly. Do try to recall that a break from that will maybe welcome you back into loving times.
• Oh Physics, how you caught me off guard with the recoil velocity of a 5kg shot gun! OH HOW YOU CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD! I hope I did well on most of the other questions, I want an A badly but I know in order to truly be frustrated if I don't get one, I must TRULY focus on my studying and learn to be a good studier. Currently, I am not a "hardcore" one; and I would very much like to be.
• Spanish oral, I WILL do well. I must. I hope I do. I must. I will.
• Driving lesson tomorrow morning, I hope that you go well. I am confident in my ability to drive and it will hopefully show. I must try not to be nervous and I must remember my shoulder checks and mirror checks! One hour, I wish for no stress.
• No worries, I'm not your teacher. No more from me, lady.
• I do not have it in me (that I know of) to seek revenge on you - but if you choose to make a very idiotic move on someone within my circle of care, I'll Mom you up, fool.

I can promise you this,

I am not wanting to be the annoying one at all. I want to help. Sometimes I repeat myself and it sounds irritating but it's because I don't know how else to help. I tell everyone that it's your life and I understand it. I suppose I'm trying to shield you from the worst hat hasn't happened yet. I'll stop.


~iPhone's BlogPress

Well well well!

A brave evening for Katie, I do say! I asked questions that I didn't want to and received answers that I wanted to, but was not completely contented. You'll figure it out.

On another note that isn't of greater happines, I talked to someone, and he knows things about what you kind of already know about. I don't want you to be fooled.


PHYSICS TOMORROWWW! I hope I do well ^_^... I may not, but I really want to get an A.
Oh, I need to make my Spanish oral...

Alrighty,

I try not to do that kind of stuff, you say yuh don't like it but you tend to be doing it a lot lately x). Although, I do wish that I was not so sensitive to it.


Oh well. I'll be content.

Short blogs,

I don't find them fun XD.



I wish that every blog I followed was something that I knew something about and I could actually follow along and guess at what and who the people are talking about. I do enjoy that kind of thing... I don't much enjoy guessing games, but guessing can be fun.



My opinion on the full body scanners (airports): Yes! They are an expensive and really important item to have at the airport. The fact that someone chose Christmas to try to bomb a plane was a much needed kick in the butt, and the U.S. was correct to step forward and do this. People that are scanned will not be viewed (the images are virtual, not real naked pictures of you, by the way) by the entire airport, just by professional officials. While it may be a bit awkward, there are so many dangers already and I think this is just one way to cause a level of safety to be reached - as controversial as it may be.



I've decided that while I don't think I could have the same kind of fun I desire, I will participate regardless. I want to continue making my mark in that area, and this will just be a way for me to regress back to when I was involved! I look forward to it, although I do need some friends to enjoy it at all... ^.^

• Hope you are okay.


• I enjoy you! Thursday!


• Glad to see you are coming through. That we are!


• Several people: I need visit time.


• Daddyyyyyy I miss you!

I feel a need

to be off of the computer more.

Nada.

I'll do what I can. It's up to you though. I believe all of this is telling you to shine on your own.
Today SB gave good advice that I will try to keep in mind all of the time. I think I'm inching towards living that way already. Cheers, good night!


~iPhone's BlogPress

Raaahhh,

I wish people would post more frequently so that I had more bedtime stories to read and decipher before going to sleep. :P

- Glad to see you're kind of coming around. I still love you ^.^
- Hope that this doesn't drag on, and something happens in your head.
- I am not your slave!
- Wii Fit, Wii Fit, Wii Fit! I didn't do it too intensively tonight...
- Should I sleep at 11 or 10ish tonight?
- The Social Studies project makes me sad to think about....
- Oohh I want to know how we did on that quiz/test thing! :O
- Hopefully... You get over the little things, because I'm not willing to go back into being tag-teamed every day, and every night before bed.

Good,

I am glad you can joke about it while you have more friends over to distract you.


We will get over this if you try. YOU.

On the mind,

• I can be annoyed, but I still really want to visit. However, the break should be que bueno if you choose to make it that way. I'm sure you won't bother thinking about it for another day or so until he leaves, though - him going over means I'm just someone who doesn't get the jokes, even if my calls are welcome.
• As incredibly frustrated as I feel about that one small thing... I miss you. >.<>