Oh my gosh, I haven't had a wave of this in a long time. It isn't emotional at all, aside from some subsequent frustration. I just really want you. If we are going to be honest. Or something. Ah!

Maybe I'm stuck because I opened myself up, and I decided not to be scared, and it's hard to imagine that it could not work when I was given so much reason to believe otherwise.

I'm much happier but it still pains me to think about. I am happy, just really wishing I could get that little bonus. I'll keep working on me, though, before I work on other people and me. And you, please, I care about you a lot and I hope this is just a phase because nothing can happen. I hate saying that because it seems reasonable from my perspective but then, that could be YOUR perspective as well. I just have this inkling that it isn't entirely your perspective. Maybe I'm wrong. But I wasn't before.

Gah. What I really just need, or want, is to make myself the thing you can't stop contemplating.

I am curious but I've been happier not asking about that.

Now you wonder what I was talking about.

I wonder if considering what it

might be bothers you.