You said one day you'd be mentally ready to take the next step. That was before. I believe your feelings were real. Some way or another they were.

Looking at those was a bad idea.

Oops.

I don't know what happened, I think so much happened that I pushed the good feelings away so now I have feelings towards you that are only friendly.

I think if I was unwise enough to sacrifice my safety for someone in your position once... I will probably be unwise enough to wait around against my own will for the slim chance that you change your mind, because I simply can't wrap my head around the fact that you couldn't consider later on when you said everything you already did.

How do I go about this..

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaahhhhhh!!!!

Was that just a one day thing? Oh well. It doesn't matter. Let it go, Katie. He might not want anything anymore.

I have recently developed a much more intense sense of appreciation for you two. I do not know where it came from, but I am happy that I love my two best friends extra dearly as of late!

My mom being sad so much makes it seem like she doesn't want to talk to me ever, but I can forgive her even if it makes me kind of upset.

There's this little issue I have, where I really really care about you, but I am too scared of doing anything so I'll continue making myself silently suffer through it while toying with the idea of moving on and confusing myself further. I do not know what to do because I no longer know what you are thinking - at least in regards to me. I'm so terrified of commitment, I do not know if that means I need to push past it or if I need to acknowledge it and wait until the fear subsides. I think if I waited and it actually subsided then I'd realize there was a good reason for it going away.. But what if it doesn't. I like you a lot. Even if you're really weird and irksome a lot of the time. It's only a matter of time before I tell you I love you completely by accident and then crumple into an awkward heap. XD

Oh my gosh. I don't know what to do if you try to make a move again. Well really, I do know what to do, it is to explain to you what I am feeling. Easier said than done... Not really. I need to just do it... I love you, butttt I just can't push past this barrier I've put up against you.

I would benefit from a weekend of spa treatment, I think.

I am not sure that this is over yet and I no longer know how I feel..>.>

You are invited into my dreams whenever you please!

I no longer understand my mind's reasoning for things. -.-

I am melodramatic, whew :)

I just feel sad. I am being melodramatic and I let my feelings get the better of me and you only want to be friends and you still have a mushy confused heart and you can't imagine ever dating again. I want to be normal with you like we were before but physical contact makes me feel like you'll be able to sense my feelings so I'm just frustrated. I'll be your friend and I'll support you through this and I'll hope that you won't be numb forever because you're really great and I want to keep you in my life. You are a great addition to my small
Collection of really great friends. One day I will awkwardly inform you that I love you as a friend like I eventually did with Samantha and Shelby. I care about you and that's why I'm rambling and if you could be less attractive and intelligent I'd find this a lot simpler, thank-you. I feel privileged to have you be find of me and unfortunate to have let things happen this soon even though I wanted them to. We are really in sync with one another and even if you can't see it I think we would be good eventually. Maybe we will. I'll try to ignore that belief for now.

This is a bit too difficult.

Dagnabbit. This is why I don't want to bother any time soon. Lack of self confidence = this.

I have no right to be annoyed. Why am I.

On another front, I'm feeling like something is wrong.

It is very difficult not to just smother you with non-committed affection. XD

I think of you often, there's just a disconnect right now. I also can't do it all.

You have a way of making me feel kind of crummy occasionally. xD

Hm. I've probably made myself sick.
Hm. I feel like I'm jumping the gun.
Hm. I need to relax and not be so afraid of thins being bad.
Hm. This class reeks of body spray.

I am afraid of the cycle of make, gain, lose.

I feel like I'm setting myself up for something bad. Whyyyy

I just feel like a big disappointment to myself.

Calm. Down.

It just feels so wrong.

This is good practice. I can do this.

I am happy for you, but I just don't feel like celebrating that fact lately. It'll pass eventually.

Sigh.

Ahhhhh..

I'm still not ready. And your face is too squishy.

You are so frustrating when you drink. Maybe not for the people you crawl all over, but for me at least.
You went too far and I'm not impressed- I am angry. I'll forgive you, though.
You do not seem to dislike me that much. Invite or..
You are nice but I'm happy about nothing happening.

I definitely seek more attention of that variety. I must stick to my logical decisions, though.

If I ever tread on your "territory" in that sense, it's only because I want to be a part of that part of your life. Sorry if it has or ever occurs in the future.

I can't help it, I just feel bitter about where I stand sometimes.

I know that it's to be expected, and I even understand, but it still is a bother.

I'm not ready to delve into anything, particularly with someone who aims for serious instantly.

I feel inspired to be more active. No more "instant gratification or bust" attitude.

It was refreshing to know that I still have some charm! Or you were lonely. Rebounddd.

I still have that little spark but I suppose you wouldn't like that.

I am so very scared for school!

Life is good.

I want something new and thrilling to make it even more so!

It just makes me happy to look at.

Finally! Felt nice to just relax and not feel so... Stuck.

Why do I feel like this again. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Hi, I'm confused.

I itch for something new.

I can't shake this.

Why are you being like this? -.- It's kind of a downer and doesn't much inspire me to do anything...

Oh, life.

Thanks for loving me no matter what mood I am in.

Why'd you have to go and sing? That wasn't fair.

Too many thoughts and too much desire for someone's arms combined for one sitting -.-

You still acted the same, so thanks.

I am now of age for the new phase to begin.

- Does not feel like it.
- Probably going to be the more difficult birthday to accept.
- So many things to accept.
- RAAAAAAAHHHH. Whyyyyyyy am I thinking this now.
- I love you and you and you!
- Please just.. Shhhhh.
- Quitting will be relaxing.

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Indifferent is so difficult.

xD

Trying to remain indifferent.

Also, let it go!

Mmmmmkiedokie!

It is so bothersome how I feel about this situation. I don't get itttt.

What. do. I. want.

I want no strings attached and no feelings of guilt or fear that someone else will be hurt, then I just want to lean against someone and have their arms around me and MAYBE hold my hand.

Is this possible? Hehhhh.

Did I just upset you by telling you that...?

Stings but oh well. Maybe things can work a bit now.

• Sad mood.
• Content mood?
• I am confused.
• Life is happening too quickly.
• I am unfit.
• I must remind myself that sometimes you seem to only want things because that's the easiest way to make conversation.
• Where is my joy?
• Meow.

Don't cling, please. You seem new to this and I'm not ready for something.

I guess I am more comfortable solely pursuing.

And the familiar feeling arises again.

You're nice. Remarkably on the same page, sometimes.

Finally.

You are so very adorable!

Just keep focused on the now - avoid has-beens and could-bes!

Dang.

GET OUT, DREAMS.

Not quite the hand holding I had in mind but it is close enough xD.

Another low swing of my caring. Two more weeks then I can maybe find a new friend to liven things up.

That was to be expected. It wasn't as disappointing as I thought; it simply brought the wondering to a momentary halt.

I am still curious about why you had that brief period of treating me like an equal, but some thoughts can now rest.

School will hold good things for me - especially if her friends will be going there (hallelujah).

So, oh, dysfunctional.

Dagnabbit. Now you might be all.. Well, I guess it is my doing.

Heh heh heh.

What an excellent day this was!

Such simple things put me in such high spirits!

Another wave of contentment.

I like you, though.

As happy as I am, it's hard to shake the feeling when I'm alone that I wish someone wished I was with them for a hug.

I think I am in love with hugs and not people. XD

You shouldn't have said anything if you didn't want to do anything.

So much to gain but you are slowly becoming unimpressive. That's too bad.

Siiiiiiiiiigh!

Dear Samantha and Shelby,

Your names feel and look so natural to me now, it is a wonderful feeling. They are pretty names and when I see them they look safe and secure and that is because they are smothered in love and that is great. Perhaps our dynamics are a bit off between the three of us at times, but both of you mean so much to me and I feel so sure that nothing can break what is already shared between us. Feeling a bit melodramatic at the moment, but I felt you two should know that we are those friends that will simply and inevitably be stuck together for the rest of our lives. I do not mean stuck as in forced to be together, but actually stuck by some sort of substance or force or something of those natures that makes life feel wrong without having you in it. I do not necessarily speak of us as a tri-force, but this is me speaking to both of you from my perspective. Basically... I love you. Que sera sera.

People changing their minds quickly frustrated me often.

I just want a hug!

• I'm not so sure you are everything I had you pegged to be!
• Such a disappointmentttttt.
• Such a relieeeefffff.
• I am ready for this week to be behind me.
• Thanks for being there.
• WOO. ACCEPTANCE.
• I want hugs.

You do just kind of... Morph bits of people off of them, don't you?

Starting to get that itch...

• I should have phrased my response differently.
• I hope that you do not create any issues or tension at more functions (for myself).
• Feeling a wee bit stressed.
• You are nice.
• Social inactiveness - engage.

Please stop. I am really not feeling this situation right now.

I don't think you were telling the truth.. Perhaps it was meant to mean something else.

Irksome!

Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawr. You and you.

You, too.

If they are correct, then I should put in a tad more effort. Or be very patient and wait for excellent timing for what must be possible.

Metabolism training!

Continuously changing my opinion on this matter. I kind of miss having a focus.

Oh, all of these imaginings... If only!

What a lovely dream.

How could you do that to such an amazing person? Makes you less tolerable.

I unconsciously make people find each other, I think!

I try to stay content!

It's difficult to fight what is constantly preached.

Also, I'd throw away my single life for either of you. XD

What a dream to wake up from. I must be progressing if I'm not freaking out. xD

It is nice to have you back.

• I feel as though I am a bit scatter-brained and it is irritating me.
• Not sure what I waaaant!

Ahh!

Ahhhh

Back to feeling utterly okay with being on my own.

Rest of school: Engage

Why why why why why must you do that. -.-

Slightly disappointing, but good things can be found!

Definitely excited for some forced rest.

Heh heh.

Meanwhile, I really don't like who you are being to me right now.

I miss that you.

We are friends and that is the end!

Well that was exciting.

xD

-Trying not to enjoy it too much-

Though it may seem otherwise.

There are special people that I love - I just don't always feel like I need to indulge in them for that to be made true.

99.9% success rate.

I enjoy you!

On another note,

I am exceptionally fine with life.

As it turns out,

I still don't like it.

That was rude :)

Don't do it.

Maybe I'll succeed!

=.=

I've got my eye on you!

I have a question -

Can you please stop? I am saddened.

I hate being consumed!

I can only selfishly hope...

I am so truly happy that you initiated a loving chat with me, thank you very much, I miss you. Your words are kind and funny and I am glad that you care. I love you.

As for you.. I don't know. I lack words in this area. I do care about you, but I sense betrayal.

Let's just take 20 things that I admire and appreciate, put them inside a beautiful parcel, and create something that will plague my mind for months. Done!

Pretty picture, my butt!

Why are you compelled to ruin my chances and abuse my feelings? With the KNOWLEDGE that I feel a particular way?

I shouldn't be angry, it's not as though my feelings can stop you being friends.

I love Shelby and Sam!

Alright, I shouldn't freak out too much... This is simply a pleasant thing. Nothing to be too excited over!

I'm getting very strong "I'm following you around" vibes. I really enjoy you as a person, but don't overwhelm me, please.

It pains me how frustratingly ideal it seems. AHHHHHHHHH.

Other than that, life is good.

It's not that easy, you know.

I have gotten myself stuck, and as much as being unstuck would be nice, it's kind of comfortable here. In a sad and irksome way.

You - I don't know exactly what I want from you, but I'm frustrated by the way things have unfolded and you overwhelm me sometimes.

I bid adieu my good feelings because someone else has talked about me again, but I doubt it worsened the situation, it was already fairly hopeless!

Location:Okay.

Success is still siding with me!

I think what I did today was subconsciously take everything that I had stressed me out in the past two weeks or so, and basically release it all. Where I reeeeally needed to, I focused, but for the most part I just let myself laugh and have a non-thought-full day.

Blah, I miss you.

On the other hand, I have developed a completely self-created sense of confidence in the situation and it makes me feel dandy. XD

Success is on my side.

I do not appreciate being blamed for such things. -.-

Really, that last one... It's so small, but, really not necessary.

Feeling good about things!

The sadness thinking about it brings is often temporarily erased by the knowledge that I'll have you all in one place soon enough.

Suddenly, I feel okay.

I just miss the comfort right now!

I think there is a difference between complementing someone and just not being able to agree because of different views. XD

I miss you :(

Don't make me worry about this.

At least there have been no more dreams >.>

Patiently, I shall wait!

....

Ahem.

My dreams give me this weird sense of you being who you are in the dream and I don't like it because I don't foresee you ever striking up conversation with me on your own accord.

Huzzah, happiness for the end of relationships! xD

Ah, what a fine line.

I am unsure about what to do with this feeling. I suppose I'll just... Leave it alone.

I'm envious =.=

I really didn't believe that you wouldn't settle for anything less. It is a surprise to me that you haven't recovered - perhaps at all. That's a load off my shoulders, no need to worry about that anymore.

• I figured you'd be loving. XD
• Love me some free feeling.
• You are all a very enjoyable group of people.

I matter.

I have moved on, I think it is just that little "first" thing that will always cling to me. As it will with you.

Ahh!

I feel so confused!

It's all good, though. I get some sort of satisfaction out of avoidance even though you don't care.

Whyyyy?

Where is this feeling coming from? It is off-putting.

I'm scared. >_<

I think I like your end-of-school plan.. I should do that too. Satisfy my curiosities.

• Huh.
• You are nice.
• You are also nice.
• Space?
• Still a bit sad.
• Why am I so cold?

Ugghh!

Your face is lovely.

Not seeing it has been very good, though.

I do like you, do not get me wrong.

It irks me that I told you to have your own opinion, but your opinions on gender roles must be worked on a bit since I am a bit of a freedom fighter...

No worries, I will get over the fact that you don't want to be associated with me.

Some days..

I am just so proud of you!

I don't speak from a high level of expertise, but all the same that fact remains.

Note to self: I barely know you.

My heart rate over this matter concerns me. It puts me in that mood of desperation.. Must escape!

It is fascinating to me how fascinated I seem to be by you.

Sometimes nostalgia causes me physical pain. Ow!

Why are you doing this now? -.- You're too late. Sorry.

ALRIGHTTYYY. You, you need to start being... Good.