an uppercase outlook,

I have recently developed a much more intense sense of appreciation for you two. I do not know where it came from, but I am happy that I love my two best friends extra dearly as of late!

My mom being sad so much makes it seem like she doesn't want to talk to me ever, but I can forgive her even if it makes me kind of upset.

There's this little issue I have, where I really really care about you, but I am too scared of doing anything so I'll continue making myself silently suffer through it while toying with the idea of moving on and confusing myself further. I do not know what to do because I no longer know what you are thinking - at least in regards to me. I'm so terrified of commitment, I do not know if that means I need to push past it or if I need to acknowledge it and wait until the fear subsides. I think if I waited and it actually subsided then I'd realize there was a good reason for it going away.. But what if it doesn't. I like you a lot. Even if you're really weird and irksome a lot of the time. It's only a matter of time before I tell you I love you completely by accident and then crumple into an awkward heap. XD

Oh my gosh. I don't know what to do if you try to make a move again. Well really, I do know what to do, it is to explain to you what I am feeling. Easier said than done... Not really. I need to just do it... I love you, butttt I just can't push past this barrier I've put up against you.