Same boat?

It seems we're kind of on the same weird page in similar boats?

Sigh. I'm content, not sure with what. Not sure what I'm discontent with either. I'm going to blame lack of exercise. It seems logical for all symptoms.

Rawrness! I love you. -.-

I’m not really sure what I’m thinking about all of this.

Maybe I’m feeling kind of trapped, but trapped by love and goodness? It is odd to think that what I wanted so much before isn’t having the same effect now. Perhaps because it came too late to really strike me. I dropped my “you’re the only one” card and have yet to pick it up again. That’s why I can love you so much and still feel that twang whenever I think about… Other things. It is simply due to my letting go so quickly of that one thing. As upset as I was at the time I had been so prepared to do it I just let go right then and let things happen. Such a frustrating predicament I put my mind in - I now regret it but I don’t know that I could help it. Maybe I could have not talked to him for so long. It was really helpful, though. I’m just not sure what to do. Right now, I think the week has to go by and I’ll see how my mind relaxes (or doesn’t) as the week progresses. If I’m having a lot of trouble I might have a problem, if not then perhaps all I need to is to put space until I’ve re-committed myself? The thing is, I am not so certain that I’m going to allow myself to totally abandon those small feelings that I’ve allowed to re-exist. It felt really nice to be back there again. HOWEVER, you love me very much and I love you very much and we have something extremely good that many people do not find for a long time. I need to think about that. The grass isn’t aways greener on the other side, but now I know that there is other grass… And I kind of want to know. Again though, I don’t know if I want to actually venture over. I do, but there’s too much to lose.

Huh.

I think I just want to know, don't know if I actually want to do...

Sam!

Stop being so sick! And good luck at your interview! :D

Okay.

Come on!

I can't tell.

I either feel nauseous from ulcer causing thoughts -.- or from the combination of chicken and tea at 7:30pm... I'm not sure!

Sure I am, however, about the fact I'd like to read Harry Potter this weekend! Alas, I cannot... It and my Psychology report sit quietly in my locker.

It's weird, these thoughts. I can't tell what I'm feeling about it besides the stress. I'm only sure that I love you a lot and I love how happy we've become. You've become. I think it's we because I am happy. I am just not blissfully happy like you are - only due to this thinking.

Yuck. I feel as though I am going to vomit.

(I want you to again. Or to continue. I'm not sure what the case is. Get out!!)

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Yessssss...

I got a good night!

March 24, you bring me things.

And by things I mean nothing particularly important but all the same frustrating and happying! I will first name the frustrations.

Frustrations:

• Literature! Nooo!
• Spanish! Nooo!
• Plan for the week! Probably worthy of a Nooo! I wanted to visit =.=

Happying:

• Why that was a pleasant and classic surprise! Thanks for carrying my school books for me XD.
• I like you! Not a boy. :P
• I’m going to take Geography.
• Yearbook stuff is kind of coming together.
• My future looks bright.
• Life.

I think I have found contentness.

Yes, I keep re-stating this fact; but I love you so much! And I definately enjoy having you as a friend. I feel a new sense of empowerment despite being shot down a couple of times today...
It is good, I think.

My jaw is stiff!

I am actually beginning to calm down a little bit.

The thought is still exciting me, and not just the general one, either... However, I know I am not prepared to let go of what I have because I love what I have and you love me so I would just hurt everyone and flip everything over if I did.
For the time being, I will explore in a smaller way - a way that allows Katie to find more Katie. It'll be another self-discovery exploration. Personally I feel I have already found myself in many ways in the past short while. I'm keeping my eyes open for more opportunities.

Spring Break was a good time to do a few different things. I saw the people I care about and always get to see and saw a couple of people I care about that I don't! It was good. :D

Hopefully Mother shall allow this continued visiting... Though I doubt it will be easy. And hopefully you feel okay too o.O

:|

I guess it's kind of like it happening again.


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Oh Brain,

How you battle with thyself so >.>.


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Mom is half-right?

Do you feel a bit more jealous than you let on?

OH MY GOSH. MY BRAIN. I have very little solid thoughts anymore!! Dagnabbit!


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Well that was a fun day! Might have brought a bit of pain but it was overall a good time.

I do miss you but I always appreciate the time we have away because it makes the time together better most times.

My mind seems to be okay, I'm sure it'll fluctuate at times but I think I'm content right now with the weirdness that is there. Better be, Brain, or else! Don't betray me.

It made me slightly envious yet I think I may have put an idea in your head I didn't necessarily want to be there... Ummmm, my brain is also always confused on this subject. I need to just chillax and enjoy. Or, maybe that's why my brain is confused about the other thing... I like what we have and what we do but maybe I want.. Innocence again. Perhaps this is my confusion. I DO NOT KNOW! Oh boy! xD

Hm.

My brain might feel weird but I know that I'd still enjoy that XD.


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I like those. They are quite fun and always funny. Sometimes there is even some serious and down to earth conversations thrown into the mix.

I love you. I think I'll just stay where I am. Not think "I have to go and follow that feeling" but instead just let it exist for now. Ignore it, address it, neither needed. Que sirah sirah.

I think that I feel really happy with my friend situation amd family situation (that one for the most part ;P). I enjoy that feeling. I suppose I should accept that oter people achieve that feeling in their own way... Do things for the right reasons.


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Happy birthday, dear sister!

Meow.

• Sadly, there's little on my mind.
• I feel slightly, unsettled - not completely sure why anymore?
• At the same time, though, I am happy. Quite!
• It would be my guess I'm simply having trouble finding a balance between family and friends and doing things.
• Today's visit was fairly dull but I still enjoy us :)
• Shelby's mom should win the lottery, retire/buy Zellers, then she can sleep over all the time.
• Happy almost birthday!
• I'm not so sure about this. Vat is it I vant? Maybe nothing and I just cling because of the idea itself being interesting. I think I would be very sad not to have you. I don't know!

I am having a motivation collapse.

When I am previously excited about stuff then I become confused about one thing and all plans suddenly look much less bright and enjoyable. What a pain. >.<.

Tra la la la lava.

I'm not sure.

This is a post more-so made to satisfy my desire to thought dump.
Sadly, I have few thoughts to dump. The word dump seems innappropriate now.

Weird.

Not you, though. All of you is good :D.
It's weird to sense that, it existed too long ago.
Friday, woooooo ^.^

I vunder eef you vill.

I had a nice day, exercise, I was generous with snackage and beverages, you showed me lots of love and I showed you the same - good day!

This little issue will be resolved, I'm sure. There is nothing I can do so I will simply not do anything besides what I wanted before.





I love you. :)

Why hello there.

Off to hunt man.

Huzzah.


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I think it's just the time in between.

I'd have to say that is why I feel kind of strange.

Also a few small things, but mostly that I think... It messes with me! Not seeing you. xD

Well!

I have not been on in a few days due to Internet not being que bueno.

The conversation we had last night was very good. Put thoughts in your head that you probably needed for relaxing if something occurred and you know my thoughts and I just believe it was overall healthy - even if there were a couple of things that bothered me. Still, all the same, I believe you and I had good stuff to say.

I feel like just letting it go is good fo me... Though, I still kind of... Consider!

In the meantime, I think it is chips time.

!!!!!!

STOP!!! I did not do anything!


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A bit of tiredness bringing thoughts.

Maybe if we made the effort to speak with you there would be a bit less of a harsh barrier between your current situation and your old one which included us. I'm not sure. I feel that there has definately been some sort of change for you and I find it hard to embrace because I cannot be a part of your new close friendships due to the secrecy. Perhaps I've just made a big deal out of it without making my due effort. I don't know.
I should probably make more effort before I let you slip away from what we still have completely. If it is still there, that is o.O.

I would say

This day was very much happiness bringing. I liked it a lot!
What a random gift idea but if you identify something that looks happy with me then I am happy with that. XD You brought much happiness and I think I brough you lots too :D. Thanks!

Also, I am very glad to be freed of this and that. I think our relationship can be better now.





Shelby, one day... I'll sleep over.

Sam? I'm glad you found it inside you to get out of bed today.

Whew. Much, much better.

This can last. I finally settled how I feel.

• I love you. You didn't do anything so I had no basis on which to base my decision. So I changed it back.
• I've allowed myself to be freed of a LOT of my envy. Thanks self and thank YOU for always being trusting.
• Those thoughts can be safely tucked away and we may continue doing this.
• If anything is going to be made to make a decision about it hasn't happened yet so I'm not going to panic until it does. For now, I will just be and be happy.

Que sirah sirah.

Sigh.

Why?


Brain,
You seem to be misleading me.
You told me before that you wanted time, then you were influenced and felt the belief that you no longer needed, and you felt happy yet thoughts kept bubbling up inside you and attacking me in turn. They completely contradicted my happiness.
Please stop and tell me what you want.

Yesssssss.

• Blah.
• Relieved? Mrah.
• Sad.
• Tired. A proper sleep tonight?
• Thank-you for an enjoyable day.
• You're rude about it but you helped.
• Please don't wallow.

:)

I love you very much.
My emotions are messed up but I know that one is true.

If I acted sneakily all of the things I said were true.






Shelby, no sleepover this week? FOOL!

Well, well, WELL.

Happy birthday to those who have one today!

Yo.

I'm with the Sam now.
We shall partake in a LOST marathon for the evening. :)

That would have been very nice of you, the effort/thought is appreciated :)


Ummmm. Okeh.

Mhm.

Let it be.

3 days :)


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Hum.

I enjoy when everyone just tends to be in a good mood and everyone is happy.

Let's find us some happy everyone - Spring has arrived!

Moooooooooooo cow.

The Sam is coming over tonight :O

I like those.

I'm really happy that you feel that way. Thank-you very much. I hope it stays.








Okay. -.- Let's stop with that now.

Uhhm.

I'm excited. Not for what you may think.

:)

Go ahead.

I'd say I don't care if you're disappointed but I do. Everyone who knows can feel that way. Judge me if you will :|


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Bleh.

Heartaches hurt.


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Hum.

I am sad, but I am okay too.










I'm also struck by old NEWs. How random and surprisingly... Something.
It seems incorrect though.

Wow.

I guess it is easier to do that then I thought.


I can relax now, though. The worst is over. Now there will be a few questions, a bit more pain, then I can begin to have fun. I love you but you let it sleep. I didn't lose it, you just took the priviledge away from me because you lost it. That's okay, it's just unfortunate.

This is a good thing, and I can see it as such now that I'm done crying. :P

Dang.

:|

What would I do without those small things? Destiny, come in please.


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A battle of one mind.

Dramatic, yes. It's how I feel -.-

How coincidental (but not really, it seems by now) it would be you pl. I'd be pondering over. What craziness my mind is. Seeing your lack of joy and feeling disappointed and thinking you could possibly be doing something bad. Craziness.

On the other hand, not too much to worry about in your regard I don't think.

Ugh... This stomach pain is impressively unpleasant. Which side is your appendix on?


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Really, tears?

Leave me be -.-


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Honestly, you tear my heart apart. I don't know what to think.


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La la la

No. More. Tired!
Please :D


I feel like writing in italics right now.
Typing with a band-aid on mah thumb is not making things as simple as I would like. Ohhh mah gosh I don't know what to do or say -.- I feel, but I really don't know how to aid other than lending an ear.
Hmmm, I wonder if this is going to sort itself out at all, or if all of this advice is a sign that it should not be something to continue? I'd rather that not be the answer and rather just find some joy. He says you are a good friend. You are. You both are, really.

... Even if it does add to the list of things that can hurt you :P. <- Not connected to above.

Neat.

We will see how this goes then, shall we? A clean slate and you're even agreeing to make an effort towards my family. It'll take time, so don't stop trying after the first visit.
Off to Vancouver to see Dr. McDonald today. I might be driving. The thought intimidates me XD.
I think I am getting better. I believe the sickness may be starting to wane now... It'd be nice for the tiredness to go away so I'm not relatively sleepy all day anymore!
I enjoy my new application on my telephone! It's rather interesting. Hopefully I can get it to work properly.


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Ummm.

I wish I understood what was going on a little bit more. I don't think I know anymore...

You know, I enjoy us. We are good together. Sometimes there are these painfully annoying conflicts but they usually disappear without a hitch once someone's mood changes. That italicised doesn't really imply anything, I just wanted to use it...
Nope, I am NOT speaking of my beau, here.

Speaking of him now, though! IT IS MARCH FIRST! Does anyone else realize this?! 9 days until TWO WHOLE YEARS! I find this difficult to believe!